Messing With An Idiot
by DarthBetty
Summary: Molly messes with Dirty Steve because she's bored. A really funny conversation I wrote 3 minutes ago. You don't have to know who Molly is to like her. She's from my other story. Apparently I'm writing more of these little interactions.
1. Steve Equals Stupid

"Hey, Steve."

Molly stood very nonchalantly on a fence next to Dirty Steve. Her arms were propped up behind her and her hat was in her eyes.

"Yeah?" Steve spit.

"You're an idiot."

Steve throws his arms in the air.

"Dammit, Molly, now where the hell do you get off saying that!?"

"I reckon 'I get off saying' it fairly well."

"You shouldn't say things like that Molly; it ain't ladylike."

Molly takes in a long breath and sighs.

"Steve, do you ever bathe?"

"Course I bathe! Stop asking me stupid questions; you're tryin' my last nerve!"

"I've only asked you one question, Idiot."

"Molly, why do you hate me so much!?"

"Because you're a racist bastard that smells like shit. And for your information I was asking if you ever bathe as a product of your benefits."

"What the hell!?"

"I was just going to say that you would look very nice clean, Steve."

"Oh…well thank you."

……

"Bastard…"

"Dammit, Molly! I ain't afraid to hit a girl!"

"Don't worry; I'm not either."

"What the hell does that-dammit Molly!"

"God, you _are_ stupid. Beating the hell out of you isn't as amusing anymore."

She walks back to the house.

"Dammit Molly! Come back here! Fight me like a man."

Molly laughs.

"But I'm a woman, Steve."


	2. Steve takes a bath

Next Day

Molly walks up to Steve.

"I've decided something Dirt Face."

"Whas that?" He eyes her apprehensively.

"I have decided that…you need to be cleaned."

Steve notices that she's carrying a bucket.

"Molly what are you doin' with that bucket of water?"

Molly smiles and walks forward.

"Huh? Oh don't mind that."

She stands in front of him, smiling innocently.

"You're getting offly close."

"Maybe it because I like being so close to you Steve." She grabs his collar.

"Uh, Molly, I don't think-" She puts a hand over his mouth.

"Steve, _please_ I know how you look at me."

"What are you talking about!?" He backs away.

"Now!" Billy, Charley, and Chavez grab Steve and wrestle him to the ground.

"Aaah! Get off me! Get that dirty greaser off of me!"

"This will pass a lot easier if you just calm down, Dirt Face."

"Molly, I'm gonna kill you!" They pick him up off of the ground and carry him into the house.

"Yes, yes. I know."

"Dammit Molly! I knew you was actin' strange."

"It's lucky for me that you are too stupid to trust your instincts."

They take him into the bathroom.

"Strip him, tie him down, and leave."

"You're gonna strip me!?"

"Are you sure you wanna do that, Molly?" Charley asks.

She sighs.

"I can take the horror."

Steve screams.

"Jesus, calm down. Oh, and make him spit out that tobacco.."

3 hours later.

Steve walks out in newly washed clothes, his skin is visible and he isn't spitting.

"Well, what do you guys think?' Steve says with a smile.

The guys look around in shock. Then, Chavez replies.

"You still smell like shit."

Everyone laughs. Molly, lunges at Chavez.

"3 hours! 3 hours! And that's what you say!?"


	3. Steve learns grammar

The day Steve joined.

Doc, Molly, and Chavez watch as Steve rides in with John.

"We got another one." Doc stated.

"Why is he so dirty?" Chavez asked. Doc shrugged his shoulders.

"Gross, he isn't even pretty." Molly commented.

"When is pretty a prerequisite, Molly?" Doc asked with a laugh.

"Well…Jesus, he's ugly."

John walks towards them leaving the new guy behind.

"Doc, please show our new guest what his duties will be," Doc leaves.

John continues, "I'm going to need a lot of tolerance from you two."

Chavez looks at Molly. Molly asks, "Why?"

"You have to understand that he has grown up differently from us and some of his morals and ideals are…warped."

Molly and Chavez shrug their shoulders. John takes that as a confirmation and leaves.

Chavez looks at Steve.

"He _is_ ugly."

Molly laughs.

* * *

Molly is assigned to begin teaching Steve correct grammar.

Their first meeting:

"Howdy, I'm Steve my friends call me Dirty Steve." Steve holds out his hand.

Molly sighs, she refuses his hand.

"Yes, I can see why you would be called that. I'm Molly."

"What's your last name?"

"I don't have one."

"Everybody's got a last name."

"Well, I don't."

"I think you're pullin' my leg."

"If I was pulling your leg then you would be on the ground screaming in agony."

"Uh…"

"Uh, indeed."

"You're a feisty one arntcha?"

"You're an ugly one aren't you? And 'arntcha' is not a word."

"Course it's a word! I said it didn't I?"

"Dogs bark, but are they speaking?"

"Well, to the other dogs they are."

"Oh, dear God…"

A few moments pass.

"Say, why do you hang around that Greaser anyways?"

"Excuse me?"

"That Mexican half-breed, what's so special about him?"

Molly calmed herself and thought of John. Tolerance.

"Well, he certainly doesn't smell like an outhouse, like you do."

"At least I ain't a dirty Mexican bastard!"

Molly shoots Steve in the foot. He screams in pain.

"Now, are you going to behave?"

"You crazy, Bitch! You crazy, Bi-" Molly aims the gun at his other foot with a smile.

"I really _would_ like to teach you something." She said nicely.

Steve screams. John and the others run outside to find Steve on the ground and Molly looking very pleased with herself.

"What?" She asks innocently.

Doc yells, "What in the hell are you doing Molly!?"

"She shot me, that crazy bitch-"

Molly shoots his other foot. "Why, I'm teaching Doc. Do you approve of my methods?"


	4. Poor, stupid Steve

Molly and Steve are asked to go to town and get some groceries.

Molly is riding on the cart with Steve. "God, I can't believe I got stuck with you."

"What was that? I wasn't paying attention."

"I said…. Ya know what? Screw what I said." She elbows him in the ribs and he falls of the cart.

Molly smiles with satisfaction.

"You crazy bitch!" He runs after her.

Molly cackles with evil laughter. "Steve, you idiot, I can't believe you fell off the cart."

"I didn't fall; you pushed me!"

"Steve, you better hurry up before I get too far away."

"Hold-up, Molly. Let me back on!"

"I can't go this slow all day, dirt-face. Well never get to town if I have to wait for your sorry ass any longer.

"Slow down first!"

Molly gathers speed.

"Molly!"

"What?" 

Steve is panting. "Molly, slow-down!"

"What!? Speak up."

"Goddammit, woman! Don't leave me out here alone."

"Sorry, Steve I can't protect you all the time."

"What? I don't need your protection!"

"Stop being such a woman. It's only a 5 hour walk from here."

"Oh, and what do you think you are!?"

"I'm more of a man than you are, you sack of shit."

Steve gathers a burst of energy and makes it to the cart. He jumps on.

Molly mumbles, "Son of a bitch…"

Steve decides to stay in the back so Molly can't push him off again.

"Ha! What are you gonna do now?"

Molly remains silent.

Steve chuckles with victory.

A few moments pass between them in silence.

Molly speaks, "Ya know, you don't have a lot to hold on to back there. What if we were to hit a bump. Then, what would you do?"

"I don't see what that has to do with a God Damn thing!" He spits over the side.

Suddenly, Molly grabs the reigns and yells, "Speed-bump!" The horse bucks and flies forward.

"What in the hell!?" Steve plummets out the back of the cart as see Molly's dirt-trail descends father into the horizon.

"Well…shit."

Molly's laughter carries into the sunset.


End file.
